Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
i always sneak food into theatres, usually an apple and other shit. Spidey3 dance scene, i threw my half eaten apple at the screen. SOOOO FUCKING GAY (no offense christian). ya indy was disappointing, it had it's moments, but fuck. george lucas is a fucking tool, him and some other fuck did the story concept. [spoiler:8a52aeaf06]so i went in knowing mostly about the aliens, or that it was going to be sci-fi, so i was prepared for that, but there was so much other shit, the vine swinging, those fucking resourceful nazi ants, WTF?! and driving the car off the cliff onto a fuckin branch and acting all fuck rico sauve! bitch please, you're wrinkled. [/rant][/spoiler:8a52aeaf06]RANT TIME![spoiler:8a52aeaf06]Oh God I'd forgotten about that stupid rubber tree. So to cap off that entire scene... The kid gets racked about 10 times, becoming less funny each time. This is during the swordfighting across two vehicles while his dumbass mother is (while smiling) yelling fencing instructions to him. Thanks for the concern bitch. Then he goes up into the trees where he is befriended by a platoon of Russian-hating monkeys who swing with him (him now being Tarzan) through the jungle, landing amazingly onto the bad guys truck. The monkeys attack, because they hate Russians of course. Both sides then crash into an army of giant intelligent ants which are all pissed off and start devouring and carrying bodies back into their humble abodes. Still with me? Good.[side rant]They get through this the same way they get through every other obstacle they come across - by waving the sometimes magnetic crystal skull at it. Killer ants bothering you? Ancient door you can't open? Mysterious Aztec warriors getting you down? Wave a crystal skull at it and all your troubles will be over! Unless you put a thin cloth over it, which will make it lose all it's magic powers.[/side rant]Anyway, the kids mother (still smiling) drives casually off a cliff onto a rubber tree, which lowers the truckboat kindly into the water before bouncing back to take out a few more Russians. They then fall down not one, not two, but three huge waterfalls without being separated, without sustaining a single injury and, most importantly, without losing the magic skull. The kids mother is now wet, but still smiling. You can tell she is looking forward to the paycheck as it's obviously her first in some time. I'd probably be smiling too.In they go into the temple (after waving the skull a bit more at the locals), only to find out that the treasure is knowledge. What a rip. Oh yeah and having that knowledge is useless really since you'll die in the process. Bastard aliens. Then fatty Englishman refuses to grab hold of Indys whip, but for some reason says 'I'll be okay' or something equally stupid before getting sucked into some unknown portal or vaporised or some shit. A UFO pops out and flies off into the sky. She's still smiling.Also, did anyone else notice that outside of the warehouse scene when Indy whips the gun out of someones hand, then drops it and it shoots someone in the foot... and the very end scene when he offers the whip to fatty Englishman to grab hold of... that Indy doesn't use his whip or his gun anywhere else in the film? He doesn't even kill anyone![/spoiler:8a52aeaf06]I feel better after getting that off my chest. But the Spiderman 3 emo-Peter with his stupid dance scene and walking down the street giving chicks the wink and the gun still outdoes everything in this film.
meet the spartans is better than indiana jones lol...No. Not even the spawn of satan is bad enough to be compared to that. No.And I didn't think it was all bad; But then I watched all three films the day before, so I was in the mood. Remember, in the Temple of Doom, Indiana, irritating asian kid + hooker jump out an AIRPLANE, on an INFLATEBLE RAFT, which then slams into a MOUNTAIN. They slide down the mountain at mach speed, between trees and rocks, and then fall several hundred feet down into a RIVER. Which then carries them to the feet of the Guru who was waiting for them.The movies are sopposed to be unrealistic as fuck, don't pretend otherwise. 3/5 from me.
I agree with you to a degree Baney, all the films have elements of unrealism. Like Indy crossing the Mediterranean sea on top of a submarine from Raiders, the raft-drop and Kali Mar scenes from Temple etc.It's when there are more stupid unrealistic scenes in the movie than fun-but-plausible ones, especially when several of them are one after the other. I loved the first three films and although they did have their share of silly moments, I found myself enjoying them all and for some reason I couldn't do that for the new one. It just didn't feel the same.It goes right near the top of my list of films that shouldn't have been made (cash cows!) along with the new Star Wars films, Matrix 2 & 3 and Spiderman 3. What classic films are they going to ruin next? Goonies 2 anyone?
While I detested the movie a friend of mine made a good point. I was talking about how this movie wasn't nearly as good as the originals and the unrealistic aliens element really killed it for me. He reminded me that the first three were all based on retrieving religious relics.Puts things in perspective.
:{8):